love is a very splendid thing. [entries|friends|calendar] All you need is love <3 [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[07 Apr 2005|10:18pm] LIFE SUCKS!! 1 comment|post comment

[02 Apr 2005|04:39pm] [ mood | aggravated ] well i havent updated in a while so since i have a lot of stuff on my mind i felt i should write some of it down, well yesterday was ninas birthday party and the day before that was her 16th birthday! i had fun but at the same time i felt out of place because during this week that weve been on spring break i havent really been able to do anything with my friends and i feel like some of my closest friends are moving farther away from me than moving closer and if that can happen in only a week what about this summer. its not even like i dont want to hang out with anyone i really do and i try to but with everything ive had going on lately i havent had the time. anyway me and amanda started driving and thats alright i just cant wait till i get my liscense cause ill be able to get out of this hell hole of a house im living in. i cant take the yelling and fighting anymore. i dont want my dad to move out of the house either i just want everyone to stop screaming at each other and just get along because my brother is starting to realize everything that is going on aroud him and i dont want anything bad to happen to him because he hears this fighting all the time. o well im tired of typing and im about to go take a nap tonight before i leave. love ya! ash post comment

[12 Mar 2005|08:12pm] i hate my life sometimes and sometimes i feel like im useless in a world of people that have purpose in life and i feel like im not loved just by a few and only sometimes............... post comment

survey...wow im bored [27 Jan 2005|07:34pm] [ mood | bored out of my mind ] Section 1 (yOu) * your name: ashley * your gender: female * height: 5'10" ehh too tall * hair color: brunette * your location: girard * fears: it prob sounds gay but bridges over water and butterflies SECTION 2 (hAvE yOu eVer) * peed your pants? i dont think so * had plastic surgery? nope * broke someone's heart?unfortunately yeah * had your heart broken? yeah * had a dream come true? defff..... * done something you regret? not that i know of * cheated on a test? all the time....thats the only way ive passed tests in bio * been raped? no * broken a body part? yeah lots 3 fingers, 4 toes, my left wrist, and my right ankle * how? theres too many to explain but most likely it was due to something stupid i did SECTION 3 (cuRrEntLy) *wearing: jeans and a tee * listening to: guns and roses * chewing: nothing * feeling: upset * reading: the ?'s on here... * located: the den in my casa haha * chatting with: maddies bf joe, phil morrison, and eric!! * watching: the computer screen * should REALLY be doing: homework SECTION 4 (do you) * brush your teeth? yeah * like anybody? yep....<3 * have any piercings? yeah 7 im my ears soon to be 9 * drive? i have my permit * believe in Santa Claus? in some instances * ever get off the computer?yeah SECTION 5 (fRiEnDs) *who is your best friend? i have a couple * who is the loudest? me and i guess im my own friend but that kinda gay so i say maddie cause we can get really loud * who is the shyest? i dont think any * who is the cutest? ummm haha * who laughs the most? christina * who have you known the longest? age laur and nina.. we all went to kindergarten together * who have you known the shortest? melissa * do you belong to a crew? kinda * do you hang out with the opposite sex? yaa * do you consider yourself POPULAR? hmm..u tell mee * do you trust your friends? somewhat even though some dont trust me * are you a good friend? yeah i think so * can you keep a secret? definitelyy =) SECTION 6 (tHe LaSt pErsOn yOu) *hugged: loni haha she was trying to make me feel better * IMed: joe * talked to on the phone: my grandma * yelled at: my bro * tripped: last week and i fell in the snow too haha * turned down: i dont kno SECTION 7 (persOnaL) * What do you want to be when you grow up? a neo natalologist (think thats how u spell it) * What was the worst day of your life? i dunno i've had a few * What is your most embarrassing story? theres lotssss...... * What has been the best day of your life so far? hmm not sure * What comes first in your life? family friends and religion * If you had an extra set of eyes were would you put them? i have no clue * What do you usually think about before you go to bed? it depends on how i feel SECTION 8 (fAvOriTe) * Movie: there are a ton but a few are grease, the polar express, and moulin rouge * Song: anything by aerosmith or gavin * Singer: gavin and steven tyler!!!!! * Store: ae and gap * Relative: jacklyn and hev * Sport: bball even tho i quit * Vacation Spot: i dont know id like to go to greece * Ice Cream Flavor: vanilla * Fruit: bananas and apples * Candy: nestle crunch * Holiday: christmas * Day of the Week: tuesday and saturday * Color: pinkk orange and green * Magazine: teen vogue and cosmo SECTION 9 (dO yOu) *Like to give hugs? yeaa * Like to walk in the rain? yessss * Sleep with or without clothes on? with * Prefer black or blue pens? neither i like pink * Dress up on Halloween? yeah and i go trickortreating * Have a job? not yet * Like to travel? yes * Like someone? yep * Sleep on your side, tummy or back? usually on my tummy * Think you're attractive? i guess what do you think? * Want to marry? yep * Have a goldfish? i used to have a ton but theyre all buried in my backyard now haha * Ever have the falling dream? nope * Have stuffed animals? yeah but just a few * Go on vacation? yepp SECTION 10 (wHaT dO yOu tHiNk aBoUt) * Abortion: depends on the situationn * Bill Clinton: i think he was a good pres but i cant say much more * Eating Disorders: i can understand y people have them but i couldnt bring myself to harm my body like that * Summer: is the best! * Tattoos: i like tattoos i want to get a couple too  i guess im wierd * Piercing: i like piercings expecially the lip and the eyebrow on guys * Make-up: i dont really wear makeup much * Drinking: im fine with people who do it but i dont drink much * Guys: what about them * Girls: i love my friendss but girls can be bitches sometimes too SECTION 11 (tHiS oR tHaT) *Pierced nose or tongue? nosee * Be serious or funny? bothhh * Law or anarchy? anarchy * MTV or BET? niether i like my VH1 haha * 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek? 7th heaven * Silver or gold? silver * Tongue or belly button ring? tongue * Chocolate or flowers? yellow roses * Angels or miracles? both * Color or Black? color but you have to have black once in a while * Sunrise or sunset? sunset * M&M's or Skittles? m&ms * Rap or Rock? rock deffff * Stay up late or sleep in? up late * TV or radio? it depends sometimes i just like to sit and listen to music * Hot or cold? cold cause you can always put on more clothing but you can only take off so much * Taller members of the opposite sex or shorter? taller but its hard to find with my tallness haha * Sun or moon? moon * Diamond or Ruby? ruby * Left or Right? right * Vanilla or chocolate? vanilla * Kids or no kids? kids * Cat or dog? cattt * Half-empty or Half-full? half full * Mustard or ketchup? ketchup * Newspaper or Magazine? magazine * Spring or Fall? fall * Give or receive? give * Rain or snow? snoww * Lace or satin? satin, lace is itchy * A year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship? friendship =)) * Happy or sad? both.. * Corduroy or plaid? corduroy * Wonder or amazement? wonder * sneakers or sandals? none at all i like to be barefoot * had a dream come true? yepp * done something you regret? not that i know of 1 comment|post comment

lifes like a dick. when it gets hard, fuck it [27 Jan 2005|06:20pm] [ mood | drained ] well......i havent posted in forever so i thought now would be a good time to finally start writing again and hopefully ill keep up with my entries but i dont know, we'll see i guess. so lets start with the good stuff but before i do i just want to clarify im not a very negative person. generally im very happy and cheerful, but when i feel like writing in my journal its always when im sad, sick, or in a bad mood. thsi is why im writing today because i havent felt well in a few days so i just feel like writing all of my thoughts down. so dont think that im depressed all of the time because of my journal but anyway back to the good things this week, my classes are sweet i absolutely love them! then tomorrow i think we might get out of a bio test because of this assembly tomorrow. me and christina are becoming good friends again and im soo happy because we used to be really good friends and then we kinda just grew apart. saturday is one of my favorite days of the year Solo and Ensomble which probably sounds gay to everyone reading this but i love it. i meet new people who for the most part have the same intrests as me and i get to express myself musically in front of people. i also went to jazz for the first time this week and im coming along really well with playing the saxophone. anyways for the bad stuff.....i hate lunch cause i dont get to sit with any of my friends well maybe thatll change tomorrow but thats just what maddie said so i dont know what everyone else will want to do and at this point i dont really care. like i dont care that im sitting with who im sitting with ya know cause its like loni and nikki and fatima but its just that i cant sit with some of my best friends and i think im might just be blowing this out of proportion a lil but i have not had the greatest week this week and this just topped it off. ive felt sick for the past 4 days too ive had a migrane and ive felt like throwing up and i come home from school and it just gets worse. then i havent talked to jerome much this week and dont get me wrong i love him sooooooo much, ive never felt about anyone the way i feel about him but i get the feeling were getting farther apart than getting closer. but i cant worry about that cause i know (at least i hope) he loves me too. i nkow i had more bad stuff but i honestly cant think of it right now cause im more focused on other things. but back to the good stuff me n loni and fatima went to subway and had a deep conversation which was really good. and on tuesday i had my first jazz rehersal like i said before. and the best thing is tomorrow is friday. o well im in the mood to do a survey so im about to steal one off of someones journal so ill hopefully write this weekend! <3 ash o yeah and eric its ok babe youll do better thursday and youll show those driving people what youre made of!!! i have confidence in you!!! love ya! 1 comment|post comment

[17 Dec 2004|06:41pm]            2 comments|post comment

life is just a stupid game that messes with your head and pisses you off [17 Dec 2004|03:26pm] [ mood | morose ] i dont know what to do about my life anymore. it just keeps getting worse and worse. it feels like im crumbling apart piece by piece as each day passes. like #1 i used to have a whole bunch of people i could turn to when things are wrong now i only have a select few because i feel like im excluded from a lot of things, which i know i am in recent incidents, i dont even care about that though its that people talk about me behind my back and lie to me straight to my face. #2 one of the people i look up to most and i could always talk to if i had a problem ya know stuff like that i have officially lost all respect for and it has been coming the past few days but today i felt like i was going to explode because of it. #3 im soo disappointed in myself i dont even know what to do. the thing that i do that i love the most of anything else i do i have failed at and for the people that know what im talking about i may not have looked to you like its a bad thing or anything, but it is to me. its hurts me more than anything else that i let myself down. its the thing im supposed to excel at and everyone thinks im good at, but im not  #4 im always so fucking stressed out im going to get an alsar between school, band, friends, and my family there is just too much pressure on me to do certian things at the same time and i just thank god i have my music even though thats one of the reasons i feel like killing myself because i dont think a lot of people think the way i do about music. see, its one of the most important things in my life and if i didnt have it i honestly think id be a horrible person. and for those of you that dont understand why i dont listen to a lot of rap and pop music ill say it right now...its because when i listen to rock and grunge and the stuff that i listen to i can in a way relate to the lyrics and i can throw myself into the lyrics and the beats and not care what anyone else is saying about me or what has happened this week or any other week. i dont have to pay attention to anything but the music and thats why ash 1 comment|post comment

Maddies Birthday!! [15 Dec 2004|03:32pm] HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY MADDIE!!!! love you!! 1 comment|post comment

fyi [28 Nov 2004|03:29pm] hey if anyone didnt kno...the blackness in some of my journal entries is actually part of my entry i dont know why it shows up black though o well just highlight it if you want to see it post comment

i believe in a thing called love, does that count? [28 Nov 2004|03:01pm] [ mood | worried ] hey im back once again, sorry i havent written in a while. anyways i dont know why but im getting the feeling that all my friends with the exception of a few who i love right now hate me and i dont know dont like me and dont want to have anything to do with ne! i dont know what i would do without the few people though cause they are my saviors. and a shoutout to christina!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! whooo hooo finally going out with steven! and thank you maddie for saying congrats to me when i started going out with jerome haha just joking i really dont care. well yeah...im going out with jerome haha since the 24th . this has been the shortest thanksgiving weekend ever!!!! omg! i had to get up before 9 every morning it suckkkked. but looking on the brighter side it wasnt all that bad. tuesday night i slept over maddies and jerome, logar, andy, steven, christina, and lauren came over and the next morning me and maddie went to belezza to get our hair done and i got red streaks. i was freaked out at first cause they were kinda orange but it turned out looking alright so thats good and maddies hair looked cute too. then that evening i had an open call in akron and i get to do bridal shows and shit like that in january so thats good i guess. after that my nana and papa and i went to rocknees and i got really good alfredo and when i got home jerome and maddie came and picked me up and we went over jeromes and christina, steven, dugan, andy, logar, and stumpo were already over there. then thursday was thanksgiving and it was okay but my family got in a huge fight again as usual. friday i got up at 6 to go shopping and i got some really cute pants and shirts and i got my mommy a bday present. friday night i wnet to the boys game and then to maddies. we ended up going to iga and got a really wierd combo of stuff haha. then yesterday was a wonderful day, i went to modeling then i came home and changed and babysat my bro for a while and then i went over jeromes and we watched the girl next door which is a prety good movie and i finally got to see the end of it. anyways.....my hands are getting tired of typing and i have to finish bio hw before i go anywhere tonight so hopefully ill have something good to write about later. post comment

...i dont need no lip i got enough of my own [20 Nov 2004|03:04pm] [ mood | contemplative ] wow..i havent updated in a long long long time. well for everyone to catch up me and cutro broke up like 2 and a half, or so weeks ago. it was for the best though because it really wasnt working out for the best, he didnt trust me and i ended up finding out that he was hitting on all of my friends. but o well i was happy when it ended anyway it was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. and then ashlyn had her bday party last weekend which i had fun at, jerome went and me him justin amanda danilo and some other people went to this mcdonald girls bday party then we went to steak and shake and then we eventually went back to ashlyns. and jerome ended up kissing me at the end of the night and i do but i dont want to get my hopes up and think that something will end up happening that wont. so i really dont know what to do about that situation but anyways ill explain the rest of that later on. also, for those that didnt know i quit basketball, and last night was the first game i havent played in 6 years so i was kinda sad while i was watching it and i wanted to be out there playing, but i know that if i played i wouldnt be happy so thinking of that made me feel better. and i started to play the saxophone too so thats exciting. but last night i went to the game as i said and it was against mcdonald and jv and varsity won, then afterwards me and maddie went to jeromes house and andy, steven, and dugan were there when we got there. so last night was a pretty good night too. and maddies bday is coming up and she doesnt even know whats happening at her party which is funny because almost all of our friends know and she cant get it out of anyone (haha maddie!!!) well i dont feel like typing anymore so im gonna go, hope ill update soon! <3 ash post comment

love in an elevator............ [17 Oct 2004|05:38pm] well this week was ok as it got to the end. i had a good sweetest day and everything went well. i got a teddy bear and some roses!!! it was exciting and i went over curtos, it was fun. well anyways, i havent updated in a while so i thought i would because maddies beau is over and i want to leave them some time to themselves haha. ok well i dont feel like writing anymore so im going to put some pics. here you go: ] my favorite pic!!!   1 comment|post comment

.....and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart <3 [19 Sep 2004|06:43pm] [ mood | sick ] sorry i havent been on lately. my damn computer has been broken since monday or tuesday, i forget which one, but that is a really long time for me not to have a computer. anyway this has been a crappy ass weekend!! first off on friday, it rained all day and I HATE RAIN!!!! rain sucks! the rain got the frieking game cancelled until saturday night. but then me and jm and my brohter went to waffle house. i love looking after my brother like it is one of my favorite things to do as long as he isnt in a crappy mood. but he lived it, he had never been to a waffle house before and he was sooo excited. it made me happy. then after we got home and it was still raining! curto came over and then maddie came over and when curto left me and maddie did the devil lady's exercise tape ((lol)) and i was laughing so hard i couldnt even do parts of it, PLUSS it HURTTSS!! but at least it doesnt hurt afterwards. then on saturday i had to wake up at like 6 to get ready to go to akron cause i had a modeling audition for IMTA and i got chosen to go to LA to get an agent and only like 30 other people out of the more than a thousand people got chosen!! very exciting! even though i cant go because of money situations, bball, and school. but it was still exciting to get chosen. even with all of the excitment of the morning it got bad. i had to go to mrs. grahams memorial service. like there are no words to describe the impact that woman had on my life and ill always remember her. i got there late so i tried holding my tears in and it worked until i saw my friends then i couldnt hold it in any longer and i cried even though i know she wouldnt have wanted us to cry over her because that was just the way she was. and then i went home and did my hair which looked soooooooo cute for about 3 hours then it looked like shit. but we lost the game so that was a waste to even go because we should have won. then today was the longest day of church ever!! like the kids 6th grade and older have to be shepards for the little kids who are called the lambs that are like 5th grade and younger. so that makes me a shepard and i have this little girl named caitlin and i have another little girl named jessie. at least i dont have any of the little terrors that are really bad and you cant handle them. but then we got home and i ate at my gmas which was yummy!! homemade cavitellis!! YUMMM! and then i got the worst headache and my mom kept yelling at me to clean my closet so i had to clean my closet. then curto calls and says him and tiger are gunna walk up and see me but then he calls back like 2 minutes later and he says he doesnt think hes coming : (! so that leads me to now. its 7:26 on sunday night and thank god i got my computer back or else i would just be moping around the house. o well ill talk more later. <3 ash post comment

why do i have to think about things so much? [05 Sep 2004|08:13pm] [ mood | restless ] i dont know why i do half of the things i do because all actions have conquences which i dont realize when i do things. for instance take andy, after the situation with him i felt like he was being a total asshole to me. then the whole thing with curto happened and i wanted to tell him to make him feel bad. then the time actually came to tell him and i couldnt. in a way im glad i didnt because i dont know why i feel when people hurt me, like he did, i feel like i have to hurt them back and i honestly dont think its healthy to be thinking like that, like why on earth would i want to hurt someones feelings (even if they hurt mine) just to get personal satisfaction out of it. and dont get me wrong, i like curto a lot, ya know its not like im pretending to like him just to hurt andy, cause im not. he is the first person ive really really liked since probably ricky which was about a year and a half ago. so! today ive decided something! ive decided im going to think things more throughly before i act on these thoughts. and for the most part im going to keep my mouth SHUT because in the end all i end up doing is hurting someone or pissing someone off. so im sorry to anyone who ive ever been an ass to because i didnt mean to hurt anyone. but if i do, do this someone who knows who they are better quit lieing to people because i find out when your lieing. but anyways im going to go, and maddie i hope everything works out for the best tonight! you two are really good together! love ya ash <3 post comment

interesting night [02 Sep 2004|09:59pm] [ mood | weird ] today was a pretty good day in general. i went to school, came home and did hw, got dressed, went to curtos game, then went to amandas house and went and visited justin alexander and dom and then we went and got curto and went to drews. well just ask me about everything else if u want to know cause i have to finish hw nad get to bed. post comment

[29 Aug 2004|05:40pm] [ mood | indescribable ] well i havent written in a while again and i really dont feel like writing lots today cause i still have to finish my ap work. but some of the stuff ive been up to is in mads journal. but i went to the mall today and i think the closing ceramonies to the olympics are tonight!! :( what am i gunna do! o well at least i can look for a homecoming date haha! post comment

the crazy adventures with the golf cart.... [16 Aug 2004|11:31am] [ mood | restless ] sorry i havent updated in a while but i havent been online lately. soo ill start with my andy story...well we got in a big argument/conversation wednesday after band because tuesday he asked me out and i honestly dont want to go out with anyone right now because of how schools going to be starting and everything and he doesnt understand that so i had to explain it to him and he still didnt understand so i dont know what im going to do about that situation because we cant even talk like we used to anymore. then jms dad had a garage sale friday and saturday...well friday i had to babysit madison so i couldnt go help so he asked me if i could go saturday and i said sure so my dad picked up jm at like 945 and we went to mc donalds to get breakfast and then we just sat outside forever... ooh and andy had a garage sale the same day so like we went to say hi but he like doesnt even talk to me anymore. then at like 12 we ordered a pizza and watched MICHAEL PHELPS!!!! and speaking of michael phelps the olympics started friday!!! they are sooo exciting and as of right now muchael phelps has the only gold medal for the US!! he is sooooo hotttt!! but back to the garage sale haha andy and kyle wound up coming over...like the first time ive seen kyle since hes been home from italy and he seemed to talk to me more than andy, suprising! i miss how me and andy used to be able to talk but i guess everything has to change sometimes :-(! yesterday we had the gay warren italian fest parade at least they have good food...me and lauren got yummy FUDGE! haha! tehn after that i had to go scrub my grandmas carpets fun fun! and then i went over maddies and age was over too. then shawn (i think thats how you spell it) and ryan from howland came over maddies then after a while me age and ryan went for a ride in the golf cart...so age drove first and it was ok then but then ryan started driving and it wasnt pretty...it was one of the scariest moments of my life he was like going down hills as fast as the littel thing would go and he kept going on the golf course haha. then i drove and ages dad called and he said she had to come home so ryan was driving again and we dropped age off and we dropped the clubs off so we could get more speed so we were by this cliff and we almost fell off of it then he kept making sharp turns so we would flip over which thank god we didnt. then there were these kids playing golf and they were like if you go in front of us one more time were going to hit golf balls at you so ryan wanted to go get shawn and find these kids again. so i drove back and i ran into a tree not purposely though hahaha!! and we made it back to maddies and all four of us went like offroading in the fricken golf cart and me and maddie we on the back of it and shawn was in the front with ryan then all of a sudden ryan makes this sharp turn and i almost fall off of the back i was like hanging on to maddie and the roof of the golf cart and i just barely hung on and now i have this huge bruise because i ran into the cart when that happened and shawn like tuck and rolled off of it and his shoe came off it was pretty funny! then just ryan and shawn and ryan took it and aly and nicole came out and said that maddies dad didnt want them to drive the golf cart anymore. so the finally came back and so aly and nicole took the golf cart and then ryan like jumped on top of it anf almost tipped it over. then shawn rented the gay tupac movie which we watched for like 2 minutes and then i saw michael phelps swim again in the mens 400m relay and the US got bronze damn fricken ian phelps with his flippers o well at least we got in the top 3. then maddie slept over and i made egg and cheese bagels this morning and like the salt thingy was messed up so like all of it came out and it made for very salty eggs!! maddie likes her sodium in the morning!! haha. o well im gunna go because im supposed to be watching my brother so hopefully ill write soon! -love always <3-        ash post comment

[16 Aug 2004|10:53am] Which member of Aerosmith are you? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

[11 Aug 2004|01:41pm] [ mood | dorky ] well....nothing really has happened lately.......andy came home monday and some really weird stuff has been happening with him but hell get over it soon. and we learned the band dance today it is soooooo gay!!!! its very (as eric would say) SEXUAL haha! o well i have to go make my brother and my cousin lunch and i really dont have anything to write or at least i cant think of anything! -love always<3- ash post comment

great week!! [07 Aug 2004|08:43pm] [ mood | sleepy ] ok i havent written since tuesday cefore the concert so i have a lot of things to update on....sorry hah. well for starters the concert was AWESSSOOOOMMMMEE!! OMG! they are both better live than like on tv and the radio and stuff. too bad tho...maroon 5's drummer hurt his arm so he wasnt there...but there was another guy there drumming away. i got 2 shirts too i got one john mayer one it has like an outline of him in green and an 04 on the front and all the concert dates on the back then i got a black maroon 5 one with their picture on the front and their concert dates on the back. it was very exciting. then like b4 maroon 5 came on we were sitting there....speaking of seats ours were awesome and really close!... but anyways this guy named dj logic was on and i really liked him so after maroon 5 was done playing and they were setting up for john mayer i went and got the cd which is really really good it doesnt really have words tho its mostly instrumental with like really awesome back beats....but OMG! i love john mayer like i was more excited for maroon 5 but when we got there i got more and more excited for john mayer he is soooo HOTTT!!!! OMG! but he does make some really really wierd facial expressions when hes singing but its ok because his hottness makes up for it haha! then to make this week even better there was only 3 days of band! it was better because it was only like 2 hours every day too and most of the days this week were a little toasty. ummmm then friday i babysat madison..shes a little terror she gets into everything and shell even swear at you sumtimes....but other than that shes a pretty good kid haha. then yesterday me, mads and sge went over ashlyns and watched movies after mads came over my house (we watched dirty dancing havana nights! omg! best movie ever!!) then michael and sean came back to ashlyns and michael ashlyn were fighting so we ended up going to dairy queen and age had to get sean the brownie batter blizzard and she goes up to nicole martin and is like could i have one brownie bladder blizzard....sooooooo funny i guess you had to be there. then today i went with my dad to walmart and to get his hair done and then me and my mom went to the sandwitch factory mmmmmmmm good food there! and then me and my dad played catch outside...then i took a shower and now im talking to andy so im gunna go! -love always <3- ash post comment

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